Eduardo Simeon

"Get bitched out by that blond behind the bar. Or the other guy ... the derivative hipster."

"Who likes spending too much on beer? YOU DO, STUPID."

"$18 pitcher. Yea, that's perfect for all you trust fund hipsters. The rest of us are going elsewhere."

"I don't even understand why you're here. Buy a pitcher why don't you, dummy."

"A tip: don't question their outrageous pitcher prices. If you do the staff will throw a tantrum."